Friday, August 31, 2007

Rain Stopped Play

The promised rain arrived a day late. As I looked out of the window first thing this morning the whole town was shrouded in fine drizzle. As a result, the sports day at Son’s college has been cancelled.

Good.

Good because I don’t have to turn out of bed to drive him in.

Good because I don’t have to get him out of bed in the first place. Difficult at the best of times, it would be well nigh impossible after the party last night and I don’t relish the idea of wading through the pizza boxes, empty beer cans and human wreckage that no doubt are carpeting his floor. Were I ever to get to his inner sanctum I dread to think what I might find in his bed.

Good because I suspect that a large proportion of class 3G are in no fit state to be playing any sort of sports this morning.

It started innocently enough yesterday when Heather asked Son if he would be joining us for supper. He said that he had invited a few classmates round for pizza in his flat, if that was OK. Yes, of course it was.

By ten o clock last night most of the school seemed to be in our back yard. Not just his class but first and second years too, spilling out of the gate and into the street. At least they were relatively peaceful, if not exactly quiet or sober. The only reported damage being a downed washing line and a cracked pane of glass where a normally intelligent and quiet lad had tried to put his head out of the bathroom window without opening it first.

And the GIRLS!!! If only I were 18 again!!

I wish I could be philosophical and say that I did just the same at that age. But I didn’t. Heather did, but I didn’t.

So, considering the cream of the town’s youth now has a collective hangover the size of Buckinghamshire, it’s probably just as well the official school sports were abandoned. However, when the groggy remnants emerged from Son’s flat at lunchtime they did organise an unofficial sports event of their own, consisting of the following disciplines:

Hunt the bottle

Pushing the broom

100m stagger (to the supermarket with the empties)

And of course the ever popular:

Sitting-in-a-darkened-room-with-head-in-hands-slowly-rocking-back-and-forth-and-moaning-unintelligibly.


The 'Hunt the bottle' contest in full swing

Thursday, August 30, 2007

A Girl's Best Friend

Where to start? Well, I didn’t want this just to be a blow-by-blow account of our little break. lol. So I’ll just cover some of the highlights.

Wednesday night (my birthday). We started our journey as soon as we closed up in the business with an easy 90-minute drive to a little country inn. Having explained at reception that our allocated room with two single beds was unacceptable, and being given the honeymoon suite instead, we went into the restaurant, fully expecting a basic steak-and-chips type menu. What we were presented with was a selection of little appetizers such as pickled shiitake mushrooms, sage fried in a crispy batter and little morsels of weaverfish. Then a starter of pan-fried fois gras, crayfish and truffle mousse followed by a main course of locally produced lamb, with cantarels, Ventreche bacon and Crottin de Chavignol (goat’s milk cheese). Now call me an uncultured clod, but to me that was pretty damned special compared with the beans on toast or takeaway pizza we normally survive on at the restaurant Chez Controlleur.

And so to bed, with thoughts of anything other than sleep. We lay on the bed, playing languidly with each other while half-watching ‘Sleepy Hollow’ on satellite TV. There was no porn channel available and even if there were we probably wouldn't have had it on. It’s not that Heather objects to porn, she justs objects to paying for it. By the time the film had finished, she was lying on her side with her new best friend, the Rampant Rabbit, firmly clasped between her legs. As she arched her back and spasmed I emptied my load into her mouth, then rolled her onto her back and kissed her deeply, my tongue sharing with hers the taste of my homemade vichyssoise. I have mentioned before that Heather is less than enthusiastic about letting me come in her mouth but she did admit that it was not quite as awful as she had remembered it from her youth, and it was my birthday after all.

The next day, after a very pleasant crossing by high speed ferry and a drive of little over an hour we were at the trade fair. I know that it is the done thing to look cool in front of one’s colleagues at these things but one stand always takes my breath away. It is a little booth of armoured glass, under constant surveillance and in it are a handful of Belgian diamond dealers and more diamonds than you’ve ever seen in your life. There were trays and trays with stones strewn across them like grass seed and in pride of place was a flawless 12 carat beauty.

Apart from that, well, trade fairs are trade fairs. We did more socialising than buying. That and watching the fashion shows. It’s just a pity that there wasn’t a repeat appearance of something they had a couple of years back when a model walked around the show all weekend wearing a ‘dress’ made entirely of interlocking titanium rings – and NOTHING else. Heather said at the time that she had to watch her step for fear of treading on my tongue. Lol.

There was one moment where we were talking with one of our suppliers under the spotlights on his stand. It was pretty hot to start with and Heather started to have a ‘middle-aged moment’. I could see the sheen developing in her skin and watched in fascination as the little pearls of perspiration formed about her collarbone, collected and coalesced at her supra-sternal notch and slowly ran down between her breasts. How I would have loved to have been able just to lick them up.

At close of play we went back to our hotel across town. Boring, I know. Is it just us or is it quite natural that the first thing you do when you get into your hotel room is to get your kit off? We were fortunte enough to have a room with a balcony so naturally thoughts turned to how we could make best use of that after nightfall. Unfortunately, when we came back to our room after dinner it was throwing it down with rain. That isn’t the first time this miserable summer weather has put paid to some kinky plan or other. We contented ourselves instead with investigating the contents of the ‘goody bag’.

For those who are interested, the article we forgot was the chocolate sauce. Probably just as well because in the past we have messed up a hotel room good and proper with chocolate sauce. On the other hand I did remember the nipple clamps, which weren’t on the list.



Our very comfortable bed at the hotel, after the event. As evidenced by discarded underwear, bottle of lube and Heather's new best friend

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Best Present Of All

Well, I got a lot of lovely prezzies for my birthday. A hugely expensive and beautifully bound set of books which neatly combine two of my main interests, a giant adult-sized space-hopper, a bottle of Shepherd Neame Spitfire Ale with presentation pint glass, an electronic fly swat and so on, but the present that made the greatest impression on me was that from Daughter. She couldn’t be here on the day as she is now back at school but the greeting speaks for itself.


wegglywoo: Is It Really A Year?

28th August 2006, around about 16.30 local time. The blogs 'Pillowbook' and 'The Beach At The End Of The World' disappeared without warning.

wegg, If you're reading this; you're not forgotten and you're still very much missed.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Not My Regular Pub

Just back from our working break in Copenhagen. You’ll get a full report including all the dirt during the course of the week but I just had to share this:




I snapped this picture of a bar in the heart of the red-light district. Just as well they also serve beer although I hope they wash the glasses thoroughly!

What I was doing in Copenhagen’s red-light district – apart from being offered (and refusing) sex – I will leave to the imagination.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Wednesday, 22 August

Wednesday 22nd August 2007, 02.30 A.M. Our bed.

"Well, now you know what it's like to be fucked by a 50 year-old. Not so very long ago you would have considered that just too gross and disgusting".

"I still do".


Wednesday 22nd August 2007, 07.30 A.M. Our bed.

"Well, how does it feel to be 50? Is it hard?"

"Put your hand down here and feel for yourself"

18263

Yesterday, Dot, in her customary no-nonsense fashion, asked me if I would buying buns for everybody today. I asked her why she thought I would want to do that and she replied in no uncertain terms that if wasn’t going to treat the staff to buns then she wasn’t coming in to work.

The staff were all expecting buns because today is the 18263rd day I am spending on this planet. Or any other planet, as far as I am aware.

It’s odd. People are coming up to me and congratulating me, cards have arrived in the post. I have presents. I’m expected to throw a party. Or at least buy buns.

This didn’t happen on my 18262nd day.

I don’t expect it to happen on the 18264th

I’m asked how it feels to be 18263 days old. No different to being 18262 of course.

This day wouldn’t be at all significant if it weren’t for the fact that we have ten digits on our hands, and thus a decimal counting system, plus the fact that the lump of rock which we inhabit goes once round its’ star every 365 days. And a bit.

Just think. If we had six digits on each hand, I would be celebrating my 42nd birthday. It would be better still if we all counted in Hex because then I would only be 32.

Problem is I don’t FEEL 18263 days old. I still feel like an overgrown teenager, dammit. I’m not ready for pipe and slippers just yet. Having failed to miss-spend my youth I now want to grow old disgracefully.

Starting tonight.



This also seemed like a good opportunity to introduce you to another little blog I have been working on for a while. It's called 'Naughty Notes'. Whereas I pride myself that everything you read here is true, I also like to give free rein to my fantasy. Recently I have been writing little bits and pieces for Heather about what I would like to do for her and what I would like her to do for me. Whereas she hasn’t the time or patience for blogging, these ‘naughty notes’ were very well received. I tend to print them out and deliver them just before bedtime so that she can get nice and turned on reading them. I have started collecting these notes on the other blog. How they translate into real life will be posted here.

To get you started, I have a birthday wish you can read about. I have already selected the music I want, and I will reveal my selections later but, for the meantime, what would your top five selections be for suitable music for the activity named over there?

As mentioned before, We’re away for a few days so don’t be put out if I’m a bit slow replying to any comments. I’m taking the laptop and hopefully the hotels will have net connections available but if not, I’ll be back on Sunday!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Packing

As hinted at before. We are going to be away for the next few days. On business of course.

(YAY!!!TAX-DEDUCTIBLE HOTEL SEX!!!! WOOHOO!!!!)

We are hoping to get away just as soon as we close tomorrow, and spending the night in this little hotel:







Before continuing our journey on Thursday morning to here:





So tonight’s entertainment consists of ’packing’.

Of course our we’ll be taking our little ’goody bag’, but you know how it is, when you get to your destination you always find there’s something you’ve forgotten.

In the goody bag will be:

Leg-spreaders
Handcuffs (’proper’ metal ones, not those silly ones with pink fluff on them)
Blindfold
Rubber/leather ’bit’ gag.
PVC bondage tape
Rampant Rabbit
’Pony tail’ butt plug
Leather flogger
Riding crop
5-gallon can of industrial-strength lube

I am leaving the selection and packing of underwear to Heather.

So…

What have I forgotten?

Don't Ask

My next blojob will be earned when I pass 95 kilos (in the downward direction, that is). Right now, that seems a long way off.

We got of to a good start Saturday before last. Heathers’ birthday. We met up with her parents in a ‘genuine’ English pub in Eelfort where, to my deep joy they had just got a barrel of Summer Lightning on, before moving on to a Chinese Restaurant where they had an ‘all you can eat’ buffet. So we did.

Last Saturday was designated a family day. It has been a somewhat fragmented summer, with the kids going off and doing their own thing, Son not coming with us to England and so on, and as Daughter was away to school the next day, we agreed to go out for a slap-up feed at Mrs Miggin’s Pie Shop. Well, ok, our favourite Italian restaurant. I have previously described the sheer sensual delight of their Carpaccio di Manzo. This really should only be on sale to over 18s.

Last night we were at a sales presentation, with buffet beforehand, in a hotel in Eelfort. Met up with one of our old student chums, my neighbour in hall of residence from 30 years ago, who also settled over here. Student habits die hard. You learn never to so say no to free food or drink. Especially drink. Anyway, if the buggers want to sell me something I’m going to make sure they feed me bloody well first.

Tomorrow we are off to the big bad capital for a trade fair which stretches over four days. That’s four days of hotel/restaurant food, plus all the exhibitors offering snacks, horses-doofers, bowls of crisps and peanuts, sweets, glasses of champagne etc. As above, if they want me to buy they’re going to have to treat me right, although pens and flash drives are less fattening and just as acceptable.

As Oscar Wilde put it: ‘I can resist anything except temptation’.

Sugasm#93

This Week’s Picks

Between Baths
“His tongue licks along the edge of my thong and then slips underneath, and then he pulls the material aside so he can get to me.”
Fantasy Vs. Reality: What Is Cheating?
“Paid escort work is fantasy; dating me is reality.”
How To Set Up an MFM Threesome
“You’d be surprised how many guys will say they can’t wait to bed her down, then chicken out or not show up after you’ve shelled out money for a hotel room.”

Mr. Sugasm HimselfNeal Mather Fetish Figurenes

Editor’s ChoiceNeed a hand?

More SugasmJoin the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Erotic Writing and Experiences
And the answer is
Christening The Bed
Episode One
Sally & Bill
Stop

Sex Audio & Podcasts
Almost Perfect
Nobilis Erotica 30-Woman of the Mountain

NSFW Pics & Videos
Bree olsen episode 1
Catalina loves Guest HNT Posts!
Georgi (I Shot Myself)
Half-Nekkid at the BBQ
I Feel Myself
Photo of the Moment: Curvy Girls
Sexy DJane Jesse Capelli
Sexy showgirl upskirt pinup photo
Tits for the Troops #5

Sex Work
Breakdown Of A Quickie
Objectify Me

BDSM & Fetish
Calling All film slaves in the New York/New Jersey area!!!
Friday night
Fucked to bits
Happy HNT - A switching in the old abandoned cabin
Let’s give the boy a hand! - Part Two of Text Message Mayhem
An Ode to Bondage
Playing with Morgan
Showerland
Social Kink Interviews The Knotty Boys (Shibari, Bondage)
Sweet PossessionTrembling, redux

Sex News & Reviews
Aneros Progasm Prostate Massager Review

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Did you have sex?
Half-Nekkid and Openly Bisexual
Keeping Secrets
Love Sick
Mirror, Mirror
More On Cougars - Older Men, Younger Women, Mistresses and Married Men
Playing with my Barbie
Skanky Panties & The Business of Faux Fish Juices

Friday, August 17, 2007

Not Such A Bad Deal

After putting up the previous post I did some calculations:

A weight loss of 4 Kilos = 50 Euro

A weight loss of 0.5 Kilos = 1 blowjob

That’s an exchange rate of 6.25 Euros per blowjob

In real money that works out to £4.25 or $8.34 for a blowjob.

Now I have absolutely no idea what one would cost if I had to go out and buy one (no, really!) but this doesn’t seem like such a bad deal after all.

If I were to be brutally honest I suspect I could get a better quality product from a professional purveyor of such services but, on the other hand, the ones I get at home have rarity value!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Would You Love Me More If There Wasn't So Much Of Me To Love?

Heather and I are currently trying to shed some surplus kilos. I've found that this is actually easier than shedding excess stones because kilos come off quicker.

The other day Heather asked me the this question. Innocently, as if low-fat non-dairy spread wouldn't melt in her mouth:

"Would you love me more if there wasn't so much of me to love?"

Whoah..I just stopped myself from walking into a minefield. Of course it would be nice to see her lose some weight. Of course I encourage her all I can as she does me. But a 'Yes' would imply that it was possible to love her more than I already do, that I don't love her as much now as it is possible to love anyone. A straight 'No' however would imply that I didn't care that she was trying to lose weight, that I was indifferent to her attempts to create a slimmer version of herself. Caught on the horns of a dilemma indeed. She smiled slyly as I deliberated over my answer.

"You know that I can't love you more than I already do. However, if you were to lose weight then that same amount of love would be shared out over fewer kilos and the net effect would be an increased amount of love per kilo".

And she had to make do with that.


On the same subject, I read that the mayor of the Italian town of Varallo has promised a premium of 50 Euros to any of the towns' menfolk who lose four kilos. Women get the same amount if they lose three. There is a bonus of 200 Euros promised if the weight stays off for five months.

I feel cheated. I'm only on a blowjob per half-kilo!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Christening The Bed

As before, during our holiday in England we spent some days staying with our good friend Eleanor. She hadn’t changed one bit. Still single. Still the mother figure to all the lads in the office. Still not getting any.

She had, however, got rid of the bed that gave us so much grief last time. The replacement, bought only a few weeks ago, was high, supremely comfortable and, above all, silent. Once again she generously offered us the use of it while she slept in the spare room.

We'd been on one of our regular rituals when we visit England, the shopping trip to Southampton, and true to form I left the girls clothes-shopping while I went off on my own. True enough there were some 'boring' bits and pieces I needed to get but my first port of call was the local Ann Summers shop. I had plenty of time to get back to the car park and stash my spoils in the car before meeting the girls again by The Bargate. The reason for this subterfuge? Eleanor is a lovely person and a great friend but I knew that her first words on us meeting up would inevitably be:

"Wot yer bought then? Lets have a look" before diving in and having a rummage through the shopping and the contents of that particular carrier bag were not something I was keen to share with her. Or with Daughter for that matter.

Heather shot me a glance as I met up with them again.

"You got the leg-spreaders then?" she muttered under her breath. I gave an almost imperceptible conspiratorial nod and she grinned. We'd been talking about getting some only a few days previously. But we'd have to wait until after the holiday before we would be able to use them, or the rabbit she didn't yet know about.

We staggered back laden with things that are so much cheaper in UK than over here: Wallpaper for Daughter, Nintendo Wii for son, stacks of the new Harry Potter for English-speaking friends and so that the kids could boast of having read it before term starts and before it even comes out over here in the local language.

Despite the persistent drizzle it was still hot at bedtime and I was lying naked on the pristine bed when Heather came in from the bathroom. As she was undressing she had a 'middle-age moment' and threw herself down on the bed beside me, spreadeagled to dissipate the heat, tiny pearls of sweat giving her skin a sheen. She's often like this just before she gets into bed and, maybe this is just my imagination, just before sex although never during. Funny things, hormones. There's nothing to do about it, no touching save the lightest of fingertip touches is permissible. We just have to wait patiently until the moment passes. I joke with her that the only way to stop her hot flushes is to keep her fucked 24/7.

I had mentioned jokingly the previous night about 'christening' Eleanor's new bed for her but last night we'd been very tired and very late turning in. Now, as the heat passed from her body and her nipples started to stiffen to my touch Heather silently leaned over to me and gently enveloped my cock in her lips. I cradled her head in one hand, stroking her face, while the other hand traced its way down the curve of her back and up into the moistening cleft between her legs, playing with her labia to plump them up and part them, dipping my fingertips briefly into the source of that fragrant moisture before seeking out her clit. All too soon to my way of thinking she sat up again, but to my delight it was only to take a mouthful water from the glass on the bedside table before taking my cock in her mouth again. A mouth now full of ice cold water. I don't know where she's learned this trick and I don't think I want to know. I haven't seen it described anywhere but, if you are a giver of blowjobs then consider trying this variation. It will drive him wild. If you are a receiver then ask your giver nicely, buy her flowers, renounce your religion if you have to. You won't regret it.

She rolled off me and spread out on the bed, inviting a classic '69' and she took me deep as I savoured the taste of her, nudging her clit onto my tongue with my thumb, easing a couple of fingers into her cunt, one into her arse and leaving the little finger to lie in the crack, giving her something to contract her bum cheeks onto.

Her whole body stiffened. I could feel, rather than hear, her muffled shouting through a throatful of my cock. I had more and more difficulty keeping my tongue on the spot, and in moving my hand as she clamped her legs together hard. I rolled off her, had her go over on all fours and knelt up beside her. She loves this position and it can be guaranteed to make her come, even when all else fails. A thumb, pushed up inside her cunt and brushing that velvety little patch on the front wall. Fingers curling round her stiff little clit and clamping hard down onto the thumb causing the myriad of nerve endings in the intervening tissues to explode. The tip of my expectant cock conveniently at the same height as her nipple, brushing against it with every thrust of the hand. And at last, when her childlike cries told me there was no going back I leaned right over her, clasping her buttocks to my chest, and pushed a well-wetted finger from the other hand deep into her arse.

Barely giving her time to draw breath I was behind her, ramming my needy cock none too gently into her, first kneeling up behind her, then with one foot on the bed beside her to get closer to her, deeper into her, then squatting up behind her, clawing at her shoulders and driving my cock deep into her with my balls slapping her vulva. Rutting her like some beast of the field.

And that deep soft bed took it all without making a sound. Heather contracted with all her might one last time as I came and I had to imprison my latent shout of release behind gritted teeth. She almost squeezed me out of her and I had to haul on her shoulders to keep myself and the bounteous product of a week of enforced celibacy where they belonged for the time being. Deep up inside her.

I collapsed over her, mopping my sweat-soaked fringe of hair over her protruding shoulderblades. "Oh fuck" I thought. "We haven't got any tissues in here". The thought of being the first to fuck on this bed was a hell of a turn on, but you've got to draw the line somewhere and we didn't want to christen it for all time in our copious body fluids.

Heather, the mind-reader, stretched a hand out towards the bedside table and produced a fistful of toilet paper. Cunning little minx, she had sneaked that in without me seeing. After all, we can't have me thinking that she too was anticipating sex that night. That would make her appear just too needy!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Perhaps I'll Just Stick To Bath Salts

It's Heather's birthday tody. I know exactly what I want to give her, the problem is actually achieving it.

I wanted to give her a long, dirty weekend away. Somewhere different, interesting, with some privacy and a little bit of luxury thrown in. Preferably somewhere that requires an aeroplane and a passport to get to. Prague or Dublin were front runners.

The big problem is 'When?'

Tonight we're out on the town. The whole family plus hangers-on are going out for a slap-up feed.

Next weekend we're taking daughter back to school

Weekend after we're at a big trade fair in Copenhagen (OK, we're taking one more night than strictly necessary in a quiet little hotel, but that's also MY birthday so it doesn't count).

Weekend after that, Heather and her Ladies Club are organising a country and western night (God help us!) with a really quite well known singer and a feast of whole roast farmyard animals. Heather is waiting tables (once a waitress, always a waitress) and I have been lassooed in to help as well. As long as I don't have to wear a stupid cowboy hat (Q: Why is a cowboy hat like a hemorrhoid? A: Because sooner or later every arsehole gets one).

The next weekend we're at another trade fair. Ok, it's tax-deductible hotel sex and woohoo for that but it's not quite the same. It's supposed to be a working weekend.

And the weekend after that it's our wedding anniversary. It would be nice to get away then as well but there doesn't seem much chance.

Plan B: A good old standby. We'll both award ourselves a day off work and go into town and she can drag me round all the clothes shops her heart desires and I won't utter a word of complaint. Not even as I drag my credit card kicking and screaming from the deepest recesses of my wallet.

Except that She doesn't have a single free day in her calender until the beginning of september and I'm pretty jammed up too.

Sometimes I feel that if I want to see my wife I have to make an appointment like everyone else.

Friday, August 10, 2007

A Facesitting By Any Other Name

”Why don’t you just kneel up with your knees either side of my head, hang on to the headboard and let my tongue make you feel good”.

So she did, and I did. I love doing that for her. The only disadvantages of the manoevre being that with her thighs clamped firmly over my ears I can’t really gauge her level of excitement and modify the stimulation accordingly and, as she has great difficulty coming unless she can close her legs, I have to switch to another way of exciting her at just the right moment and without breaking the rhythm. I can’t help thinking that girls have it easy - you present them with a cock and all they have to do is jerk it or suck it a bit, or just lie back and count the ceiling tiles while the poor guy does all the hard work…only joking girls. The point I am trying to make is that a cock is a pretty predictable and hard-wearing thing whereas a clitoris is a precision instrument.

There is only one tiny problem. That of terminology. Heather hates the phrase ’Sit on my face’ It turns her right off, despite whatever pleasures the act itself might entail. Hence my roundabout way of suggesting it.

It’s not as if she’s a prude. Far from it. As far as talking dirty is concerned she can give as good as she gets. In two languages. It’s just that particular phrase that trips a switch for her, and not in a good way. I’m pretty sure that her reluctance to ask me for something I would be only too glad to give her is just because she can’t bring herself to say it. So, any ideas as to how we might re-brand the experience?

By the way. I have a suspicion that expressions such as ’munching the carpet’ and ’eating the fur burger’ would also go down like a lead balloon, thanks all the same.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Banished!

Christmas 1991: We were still living in England but were staying with Heather’s parents for the holiday. Us two, our excited three-year-old and our new little wonder - just seven weeks old.

Heather wanted to go into Eelfort with her mum for a little bit of a shop but she was concerned about leaving the baby for couple of hours in a house full of clueless men. Besides, at that stage she was the only one equipped for keeping her fuelled and therefore quiet.

I, on the other hand, was blindly confident.

”Just top her up and sneak out. Have a good time, we’ll manage”

Daughter had other ideas. Within minutes of Heather’s departure it dawned on her that her source of supplies was no longer at hand.

She didn’t just scream; she SCREAMED. She screamed the plaster off the walls. We tried everything. Cuddling her, bouncing her, singing to her, rocking her, even reasoning with her. There was only one thing left to do. Now we had learned at ante-natal classes that dummies (Am. Pacifiers) were a BAD THING, and we had resolved not to use them on our kids but it is amazing how quickly you will abandon your principles when confronted with a a little cherry-red ball of pure rage. We sent grandad to the drugstore next door to buy one, grabbed it out of his hand as soon as he got back and plugged it in.

The effect was immediate. Silence reigned as she investigated this new development. Her face was a picture of concentration as she ran her tongue round it, gummed it, sucked it…then spat it out so emphatically that it was clear she wanted nothing to do with it. Ever again.

And then she started up again. For a full ninety minutes she kept it up and when food mummy finally came in through the door, guess what? She was as good as gold.

In fact all through her childhood, daughter has always been a bit clingy. She was always very reluctant for us to leave her with others, even her grandparents, for any length of time but over this last year she has really grown up to be an independant and self confident young woman.

Fast forward to the night before last: Daughter was having her friend Isla over for a sleepover. After we had shut up the business for the day, Heather asked her what they might like for supper.

”Oh” Says daughter. ”I thought you two were going to the summerhouse. We were planning on cooking for ourselves”.

So that was us told. Not that it was any great hardship. The town is just so hot and airless at the moment and we have everything we need down there: Cold beer, a television and a big comfortable bed, so we retreated in good order.

We sleep so well down there at the moment that we went down again last night, just the two of us, and are planning to again tonight. The sex is also better; we’re so much less inhibited down there. We can walk around the place naked if we want, leave porn and playthings lying around and be as noisy as we like. Well worth a 20-minute drive for that.

'Having My Cake', with her latest post, has helped to set the agenda for this evening, I think. I’ll let you know how we get on.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

If They're Good Enough For NASA...


These are my new specs. As worn by Donald Rumsfeld, Tony Blair, E.U President José Manuel Barosso (as far as I remember) and David Letterman. Despite that, I think they’re really cool.

This guy wears them too. They are made of titanium and because of their low mass and high stability they are the only type of eyewear approved by NASA for use in space. I mean when you’re outside patching up the international Space Station for the umpteenth time you can’t just unscrew your helmet if you need to push your glasses up your nose. They’ve got to sit right and stay put. ’Failure is not an option’.

I put them to the ultimate test the other day. Not deliberately, I hasten to add, it was just one of those ’heat of the moment’ things. Regular readers (if any) will know exactly where I am going with this…

We were in the summerhouse, seat of all naughtiness, and I happened to be dressed before Heather on the morning in question. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, gathering up her nightdress to lift it over her head when she suddenly stopped in mid-gather and rolled back onto the bed with legs wide apart. What is a chap to do?

I whipped my t-shirt off in an instant. My jeans and briefs fell around my ankles. The watch and specs stayed put…and they DID stay put. Throughout the next ten minutes of jumping and jiggling, wriggling and writhing, sweating and straining they didn’t need pushing up once which was just as well because my fingers became a little - how shall we put this delicately? - a little sticky. To be honest I’d forgotten I’d had them on while I was having it off.

Do you think the manufacturers could use that as a slogan in their next marketing campaign?









Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Reunited

Our little family is reunited once more after a summer where we have been doing our own different things. Daughter came home from her scout camp at the weekend , Son is trying to get his sleep patterns somewhat nearer normal ready for the new school year and has actually been sighted in daylight hours. We have two weeks before daughter starts back at boarding school and we are going to make the most of them. We have already promised them a slap-up feed at a swanky Italian restaurant in town but last night our little extended family (son's gf was with us) used some free cinema tickets we had been given by our bank and went to see 'The Simpsons'. Then we grabbed a Chinese takeaway on the way home and enjoyed it with a chilled Sauvignon Blanc.

Being too hot for anything remotely energetic, Heather and I rounded off the evening with a slow leisurely fuck after the kids had gone to bed; light fingertip touches only, minimal body contact, slow lingering kisses. As Homer himself might say: 'Does it get any better than this?'

Next on the list-Using more free tickets on 'Harry Potter', or as they pronounce it over here, 'Hairy Poddah', much to our amusement. (Taking the piss out of the natives is one of the things that helps to keep me sane). We tend to get the major releases somewhat later than in the rest of the civilised world so 'Shrek 3' won't be out until 31st August. We'll have to wait until daughter is home for a weekend if we want to see that.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Summer

Suddenly it’s summer.

The sun is blazing down out of a flawless blue sky.

There are no customers in our business, it’s just as quiet as that time in February when we got snowed in.

They’ve probably all buggered off to the beach. We’ve got a nice beach not five miles from here.

Can’t say I blame them.

It’s where I’d be if I had the choice.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Rabbit 3 : Fat Controller 0

It was Saturday before we really got any time together after our English holiday. We had awarded ourselves Friday off work, having arrived at 1 am that morning (It’s good to be the boss!) and when we finally could be bothered to go back home we pottered around making half-hearted attempts at unpacking and avoiding the mountain of unopened letters that had established itself on the kitchen table.

Daughter was off to a scout jamboree the next day and needed to pack. Despite strict instructions that she should have everything to hand before we left for England it was still very late by the time she declared herself finished, and then discovered that she couldn’t find those two pieces of equipment essential to modern scouting: The SD card for her digital camera and the charger for her mobile phone. Thus it was very, very late before we finally got to bed, with an early start next morning to drive her and her friend to the campsite.

Fast forward to Saturday night, and the refuge from the outside world that is our summerhouse: I would like to say that we couldn’t wait to get inside and tear the clothes from each other’s expectant bodies. I would like to say that, but in all honesty I can’t. Instead we sipped chilled cider on the terrace, took a wander over to the in-laws place and took a few beers there, wandered back and fried a couple of steaks for supper, accompanied by a bottle of wine, then settled down in front of the telly.

And promptly fell asleep.

When I woke again at around 3.30 it was just starting to get light. I could quite happily have shuffled zombie-like over to the bed and carried on sleeping but Heather was suddenly awake, alert. Suddenly I was too. She undressed in the lounge and walked towards me through the kitchen naked. Heather likes to be wooed a little, to be ’persuaded’ to have sex but something in her walk told me she wasn’t going to need too much persuading.

’I bought a little something for you when we were in England’ I said, handing her the package discreetly wrapped in black tissue paper.

’Rampant Rabbit-Oh my God what’s this?’ Her eyes opened wide as she tore away the paper to reveal the vibrator in all it’s shocking pink glory.

To be honest I wondered how she would react to it. She’s never been one for masturbation. Since her early (and I mean early) teen years she has never wanted for male attention and for the last 30 years she’s had me. I suppose that can be seen as a compliment. Once or twice I have asked if she would masturbate while I watched her and she has agreed but it was never something she derived particular pleasure from and as a result, neither have I.

I inserted the batteries and gave it to her while I retrieved the lube out of our ’goody bag’, having had taken good note of the warnings from ’Having My Cake’ on the subject. When I turned back she had pulled her knees up around her ears and was stuffing it into her cunt with both hands, her eyes rolling upwards as she bit her lower lip. In an instant she stretched her whole body out, clamping the rabbit between her legs, arched her back in a spasm and crushed that little pink bunny down onto her clit with clenched fists. The whole thing couldn’t have lasted more than thirty seconds, it must be the quickest orgasm she’s ever had. Suddenly she was on all fours, breathlessly begging me to pull the thing out and give her a good hard fuck. This time there was no teenage daughter on the other side of the paper thin wall to dampen our enthusiasm and I banged away at her with abandon. She was soaking wet and wide open, thanks to the Rabbit, so just a straight in and out ramming did not have a huge stimulatory effect on me, fun though it was. I switched to a more subtle pattern of little swoops and thrusts. Heather responded by contracting her pelvic muscles hard, catching the rim of my glans with every little movement. The tickling sensation spread down my legs and up my spine like an electric current until could feel that itching deep in the very centre of my being and I knew I was past the point of no return. All subtlety gone now I took to banging her hard and fast again, my balls slapping against her, my hands gripping deep into her shoulders as I succumbed to the primaeval instinct to push my seed as deep inside her as I could manage.

I woke late the next morning. Heather was already up and about; had been so for some time.

”I thought I’d let you sleep, you obviously needed it” she said softly as I wandered into the lounge. ”Now you’re awake I’ll make the tea and put the bread rolls in the oven. They’ll take about ten minutes. I thought I’d just get back into bed while they’re doing”

In my half awake state what she said hadn’t really sunk in. I remained on the sofa in the lounge for a few moments, before reflecting that a little ten-minute snooze might indeed be a good thing. I went into the bedroom and snuggled up beside her soft, warm, naked form. Strange, because she’d had a nightdress on in the lounge…

”Where’s my toy?” she demanded with mock harshness.

Oh my God, it suddenly clicked. Yes, I know I was slow on the uptake but this was so unlike her. She hardly demands sex of me. That’s not how she plays things.

I found the rabbit again and barely had a chance to lube it up before she snatched it from me and stuffed it into herself greedily. The first orgasm came as quick as lightning, with me as spectator. For the second she demanded I pay attention to her breasts as both her hands were occupied down below. The third was a slightly less frenzied affair. She trusted me to find her clit with the bunny ears and keep them there with just the right amount of pressure while she twisted and pulled her nipples, then buried her head in my chest and shrieked as she again stretched out her legs, my palm pressing the exposed part of the toy into her pubic mound.

In the calm that followed she learned that the thing has controls. That you don't necessarily have to run both bits at full throttle all the time.

"It's also waterproof" I volunteered, "So you can..."

"Take it with me into the bath". She was way ahead of me.

You must understand that this was all quite revolutionary for a person that a:Isn’t used to masturbating herself. b: Isn’t all that keen on sex in the morning. c: Never has multiple orgasms.

Her verdict?: ”It’s very nice, very different but somehow not the same as having a real flesh-and-blood man inside me”. Well, I'm pleased to hear that because that’s what I’m here for, my love. Any time of the day or night.

The Price Of Sex

As Michael Green points out in his book ’The Art Of Coarse Sex’ The only appropriate answer to the question ‘Have you ever paid for sex?’ would be ‘In the end, we all pay for sex’.

Thus it is that after a pretty wild night last night, Heather found herself unable to bend down in the shower this morning, and I have a dull ache just below the left shoulder blade. Fortunately, she has managed to get an appointment for herself with the chiropractor today and hopefully she'll be fully mobile again by tonight. When we see what that treatment costs we’ll know the true price of sex, although it’s comforting to know that at least part of the bill is covered by health insurance.

Me? Being a typical male I’ll put up with it for now and see how it is after the weekend. I would hate to have to explain the exact circumstances of the injury (“Well it was like this. I was deep up inside her arse while she was riding me Reverse Cowgirl and when she was coming she stretched back to lie on top of me and I arched my back to keep inside her while twisting round to kiss her neck and something suddenly went CRACK”). Serve us right I suppose.

It looks like we’re going to have to think about dampening the more extreme excesses of our passion.

For the next week or so, at least.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Explaining With The Aid Of Diagrams

As we sat conversing in one of Blah's fine pubs (I won't stick my neck out and hazard a guess as to which one) Vi came to ask me where exactly I lived, in the little kingdom where I now find myself. Being a little difficult to expain, I drew a map on the tabletop with my finger thus:


Anyone wiping the tables down after we left must have wondered what we had been talking about....

Just To Set The Record Straight...

It seems as if I can’t tell my cock from my duck. Vi has pointed out that I got my pubs well and truly mixed up in the last post. Not something I normally do.

It’s not as if I can’t handle pubs having two names. The Rat/The Bell and The Old Swan/Ma Pardoes spring to mind. I can even cope with pubs with no name such as ‘The Pub With No Name’ which is actually called The White Horse, at Priors Dean, so that in reality it also has two names. And then there was that anonymous little place not far from Symonds Yat, the name of which I never did discover, but which did a deadly and cheap pint of scrumpy, not to mention the erstwhile 'Bird in Hand' at Kents Green which had no external sign to show it was a pub at all except for the licencees plate above the door. You just had to know it was actually a pub and not a terraced house.

The problem arises when the town, the pubs and a goodly proportion of the inhabitants all have two names. It’s no wonder a chap can get befuddled.

Just to set the record straight:

We started, naturally enough, at the Centre Of The Universe.

We went over the road to the pub opposite the bus shelter with the two perilously thin girls, where they served a cracking pint of Summer Lightning.

We crossed the road again to the pub just opposite where the wine bar used to be before it closed, and where they had deep-fried camembert on the menu (yummy!).

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.