Friday, February 29, 2008

Fat Controller-type Joke

The windmill I showed in the last post was running out of control for several hours and it was only ever going to end one way, so people went to get their video cameras to record it.

This reminded me of the time when I was a real Fat Controller on a real railway and the story of a signalman who was being given a hard time by an inspector who was testing him on his Rules and Regulations:

Inspector: What would you do if, having been given 'Line Clear' for a train in your platform, you received a warning from the signal box in advance that a train was running away towards you on the same line?

Signalman: I would immediately return all my signals to danger, retrieve the single line token from the driver and verbally advise him that the starting signal had been returned to danger. I would then set the points for the passing loop so that the runaway would pass by the train and send bell code 6 ’Obstruction-Danger’ to the next signal box. I would also alert the station staff of the situation.

Inspector: Very good. What if your train was already departing the platform?

Signalman: I would attempt to attract the attention of either the driver or the guard by means of my whistle and red flag.

Inspector: Ok, what if nobody on the train saw you?

Signalman: I would use any facing points I had under my control to avert a collision.

Inspector. And what if you had no facing points?

Signalman: I’d phone my brother in law.

Inspector: Phone your brother in law? What on earth for?

Signalman: Well, he’s never seen a train crash.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Windy

For the last week or so this country, and especially the bit where we live, has been battered by storm-force winds. This incident occurred last Friday, only about 50 miles from where we live.



Pretty scary stuff. You can see the size of the thing from the Transit van parked by it. Apparently the emergency brakes had failed and it just ran away to self-destruction.

On Saturday after work I drove down to our summerhouse – to make sure we actually still had one. The road on which it stands was blocked by two fallen trees and I had to leave the car and clamber the last hundred yards or so but the house itself was still standing. No trees had fallen on it and it still had a roof.

By midnight last night the wind had calmed to a stiff breeze, but the temperature had dropped sharply and it cut right through us as we made our way down the little street that runs beside our house, en route to the bank to deposit the day’s takings.

The streets of our town are usually pretty much deserted at that time of night but we suddenly became aware that we we were not alone. An unintelligible muttering and a sound of shuffling feet came from the walkway outside the old people’s sheltered flats across the road. And then from behind a pillar a hunched old lady came into view.

”What IS she wearing?” I whispered to Heather and then stopped up short as the answer became horribly apparent.

Not a lot.

In that biting cold, all she had on was a mercifully large pair of drawers and a short raincoat which hung from her wrists by its sleeves, dragging behind her. Thankfully the old girl had her back to us because one glimpse of a pendulous breast, swinging about the waistband of her drawers was about as much as I could take. I despatched Heather over to see to her while I hovered in the background. Had I been alone it would have been different but I thought it best that Heather dealt with this one. I know, I’m chicken, but I really didn’t want to put her a more embarassing situation than she was already in.

From the scraps of conversation I could hear, it went something lke this:

”I was going to visit my neighbours, they’re normally up by six o’clock when I pop round, but they’re not answering the door and I’ve knocked and knocked”

”That’s because it’s half past midnight. I should think they’re fast asleep. Now, let’s get you home. Which is your flat?”

”I’m 88 years old, you know”.

Fortunately, she was lucid enough to be able to remember the number of her flat, and Heather had a good idea which one it was in any case. When they got there the front door wasn’t even pulled to, which was probably just as well because she almost certainly didn’t have a key with her. As Heather saw her back inside her flat she seemed fairly settled.

”I think I’ll just soak my feet in some warm water”. She said as Heather left her.

She had been barefoot throughout the whole episode.

When we got back, Heather phoned Social Services and they promised to send someone round to look in on her. Just to be on the safe side.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sugasm#120

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants.

Want in Sugasm #121? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

The Ache of Desire Unsatisfied
J groaned in my ear, and I nearly pulled down his zipper then and there.”

Unexpected
“Tingles of electricity were set coursing up and down that side of my body.”

Part(y)ing shots
“I placed both my hands on the tiled wall in front of me, clammy and cold, holding myself up.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
The “Best way to make him felt hot”

Editor’s Choice
Who Is A Sex Worker?

More SugasmJoin the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

BDSM & Fetish
The administration of pain
Calm
Cock Blogging
Cuckold
Expect the unexpected
Happy hunting
I got quoted in Bitchy Jones!
A Lying Husband’s Spanking and Mouthsoaping
So Hard It Hurts
Vegas Squeeze Toy

Sex Poetry
Lick
The Sweetest Fruit: An Ode to Cunninglingus

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Navigating the Shoals of Infidelity
Silent Sex
Statute of limitations for rape
Tales from the Floor: Pure Njoy-ment
What is fasionable today?
Why Christianity hates sex (possibly)
WWYD: Presidents Day Edition

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Action Girls’ Latest Erotic Photo Galleries
The Beauty Of Nature
Hot Wax at LSM with Madeline
Mizuki Horii
Nikki Nefarious Has Taken, And Modeled, The Hottest Photograph Ever (Altered Aperture)Redhead Submissive Tied Up In Box (Fetish, shibari, catalinaloves.com)
Suzie Carina - Hotel Room
Vivid.com: Briana Banks, Monique Alexander, Nadia Styles & Sunny Leone

Sex Work
Catalina loves Couples (D/s)

Sex Advice
How to Bend Over Your Boyfriend and Make Him Like It
The Ultimate Sex Position?

Erotic Writing and Experiences
After the gaurd 2
Blue Air
The Cam Lover screwed a hot black escort in London - Part 2
Catalina loves Great Cookies
Eternal Kiss…An Erotic Paranormal Tale
The magic dinner party
Excerpt - The Party Crasher
The Naughty Dentist - Part One
Phantom Stirrings
The therapy session

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Blog Contest Teaser
Harmony Rose Dominates Glory Hole Perv And Fucks Him With Strap-On (Bondage, Femdom, Captivemale.com)
Ron Jeremy Reviews: Souja Boy

Friday, February 22, 2008

My Second Blogday

If you were to go over to the right hand sidebar and click on the topmost link under 'Archives' and then scroll down to the bottom you will find a post entitled ’That Health Club Subscription Was Worth Every Penny’, dated 22 February 2006.

Yes, it’s my second blogday today. I can’t quite believe it, so much has happened over these last two years. New blogs have sprung up, old favourites have gone dormant or just disappeared altogether. I have had the pleasure of exchanging comments with people from all over the world, with all kinds of different backgrounds, all with their own special story to tell.

For everyone who looks in here, and especially the people who are kind enough to leave a comment: This is as good a time as any to say ’Thank you, it really is appreciated’.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Unexpected

Suddenly it was past 1 am and, despite promises made to ourselves about early nights, we were still not in bed. Daughter’s swilling out of the Augean Stable that is her bedroom last weekend produced a mountain of dirty laundry which we have been slowly chipping away at during the week. There were business letters to write which couldn’t wait, orders to process. There always are.

”I had thought we could have some fun tonight…” Heather started, apologetically.

”It’s OK, I’m knackered too. We can just snuggle, and you can fall asleep in my arms. I’d like that”. I finished for her.

She lay face down across the bed at an angle, her head resting on my chest, an arm draped across me with the hand resting on my shoulder.

Slowly, imperceptibly at first, her fingertips traced the course of the sinews framing my armpit. My nipples stiffened. Tingles of electricity were set coursing up and down that side of my body. This was no accidental brushing of fingers on a sensitive spot by a sleepy partner who just wanted some rest. It may have started off like that, but as soon as she sensed my reaction she became more focussed. More determined. I couldn’t see her face, but if I could, I’m sure it would have been wearing that wicked, wilful smile I love so much.

There were no lips, no tongues involved. No kisses, no words. Just the lightest of fingertip touches painting fantastical arabesques from my armpit down the side of my chest and around, but never touching, my aching nipple. Creating, but nowhere near satisfying, a craving within me. I groaned and, in search of some relief, reached down to my groin. My cock was rock hard. Invisible to me, it felt monstrous, obscene.

”Now see what you’ve done to me” I whispered in mock reproach. I guided her hand down for her to feel for herself.

”Oh dear. I suppose we’re going to have to do something about that”.

She rolled over onto her back, put her hands nonchalantly behind her head, spread her legs and waited for me to climb aboard. She was so delightfully tight and slick. A sensation of closeness combined with the sense that she was ready for me. Expecting me. This feeling intensified my need to have her, to posess her totally, and I fucked her hard and fast, all the time gazing down into those eyes, alive with mischief.

She kept shifting the position of her legs; spread out flat, then high in the air, squeezing me in a scissor grip, clamped round me tightly or bent at the knees and gripping my sides so that her heels bounced up and down on the small of my back, and with each shift, I changed rhythm, angle of thrust, emphasis. I went through the whole repertoire from short, hard little jabs to bouncing so that the slats of the bed creaked in protest, to glorified press-ups over her supine form while she tweaked and pulled my nipples.

Despite the February chill outside, I had broken into a sweat. Part of me wanted to go on all night, to prolong the pleasure infinitely. Another part craved quick climax and then sleep. Blessed sleep. Heather forced the issue by pulling away from me and rolling over onto all fours. She wanted to finish it up with a good hard ball-slapping shag, doggy style. And that is exactly what she got.

”That’s another ’O’ I owe you now”. I laughed when finally the passion and fury were all spent.

”Mmmm. What are you going to do about it?”

”I had thought of taping you into that armchair and pleasuring you with my tongue until you beg me to stop”.

That answer seemed to satisfy her and, as she rolled away from the heat of my body to sleep. I amused myself by running through my mind the various different ways in which you might use an armchair.

The first free evening we get…We just need to get half-term out of the way first.

Sugasm #119

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants.

Want in Sugasm #120? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
The Rule of Blowjobs for Women“Tease. Spend time. Don’t just start out like a Hoover on overdrive.”

Commercialising Romance or “I bought you this card now where’s my blowjob?”
“If it takes a specific date for your partner to show you he loves you then what do you have?”

Relax
“She smiled up at him, from her vantage point between his knees, and continued what she’d been doing.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Questions…

Editor’s Choice
Hazards of the Biz

More SugasmJoin the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Catalina loves Fantasies (about Friends)
Clit NotesDistractions
Erin with a capital oooaaaaahhh
I saw and I came!
I will take Pancakes with a side of Camel Toe!
No Special Occasion
Phantom Fire
A Promise Kept
Quickie in men’s room
Relax
The Reunion (Part I)
Sanctuary
Wake me up with your tongue a Friday night bedtime story

Sex Advice
The 3 Best Positions for MFM Threesomes
I Didn’t Use a Condom

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
The Bedpost Interview: Lux Alptraum
Cop Seduced By Hot Tranny & Forced To Suck Cock
Njoy fun wand
Ode to my hitachi magic wand
Screaming Orgasm from Mr Vacuum
Review: Working Sex, Sex Workers Write About a Changing Industry
Stoya Bot HotMovies Interview
Texas Make Up For Lost Time With FREE Sex Toys!

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Feminist Carnival #53
Of Lust, Loss, Film Stars & Humor (Or, Get Me On Vince’s Bus)
Polyamory is SCARY!

Sex Work
Pictures from Last Night: Playing Dress Up

BDSM & Fetish
Dark Hearts…A BDSM Fantasy
The Empty Gas Tank - my first spanking video!
Gabriel, and self realization
I Love
Losing my virginity…with canes WF #4
She likes to feel pretty.
Shoe Slut
Smutty TalkToday

Sex Humor
How To Tell If That Domme You’re Emailing Is Really A Man
How Do You Explain It?
Unusual And Tasteless Gifts For Valentine’s Day

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Black lips suck cock the best
Fetish Model January Seraph Is Tied To A Table Top
The Heart knows it’s presence, Unbound
HighlandsKristyna - Funny Shave
Kyla Cole
Met Art: Lisa, Sharon & Jenya; Monika; Valleria; Vika
My reading on YouTubeNude by Didier Carre
The Red HNT
Satine Phoenix Is A Feminine Feline Fantasy In This Corset And Collar

Friday, February 15, 2008

Barred!

We didn’t go for a meal in our favourite restaurant last night. We stayed in. Last year on Valentines day, and most previous years we have had a wonderful evening out at an Italian restaurant in Eelfort, but this year we were specifically prohibited from eating there.

Not by the management, I would hasten to add.

No, by our own son who was entertaining his girlfriend (M1) in that self same establishment and didn’t want us around. Last year he made do with taking her to the pictures, but clearly that is no longer good enough.

He even had the cheek to borrow money from us to take her out to ’our’ restaurant.

Still, it meant that we had a kid-free evening at home. We cooked some steaks, shared a good bottle of claret and just enjoyed each other’s company.

At least we didn’t have to worry about driving home and, unlike last year, Son managed to catch the last bus back so we didn't have to fetch him.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

No Special Occasion

There are mornings when we wake, dragged from our downy sleep by the insistent nagging of our seven alarm clocks, lying quietly side by side each in our own time-honoured territory in the bed with the duvet nicely tucked up under our chins and spread out over our recumbent forms to drape neatly down each side.

And then there are mornings like yesterday morning. She was lying face down, diagonally across the bed and I was sprawled across her. The duvet was a shapeless heap that covered some parts of our naked bodies too well and others not at all. The tissue that she had handed me the night before to wipe myself clean of my spent fluids, and hers, was an unused little ball crushed into the crumpled sheet under my thigh. We never did find the wet patch, although it must have been huge judging by the sheer quantity of wetness we managed to produce between us.

I pulled the duvet up over my shoulders and closed my arms tighter around hers.

”Mmmm That was a wonderful sleep” She murmered. Dreamily.

”And an amazing fuck” I added.

She snuggled in closer to me by way of agreement.

There was no special occasion, no particular reason why the previous night should have been any different from any of the other ten thousand nights we have spent together, but somehow the chemistry was just right, the right buttons got pressed at the right time. If I knew just what it was I’d write a book about it and retire off the proceeds.

I suppose it helps if you are both in the mood right from the start. I like to think that I always am but there are occasions when I am just as happy to snuggle up close and fall asleep with her in my arms. On this occasion, however, I was amusing myself while Heather made herself ready for bed by watching a video of German origin where a girl in a latex cat suit with a pink fluffy collar and tail was being pleasured orally by a curly-haired chap in a transparent plastic tunic and a pair of welders goggles. All very bizarre, and not really my thing at all. I had no idea why, or even when, I had acquired this video. I started to think about how I was going to pleasure my own lady when she was finished in the bathroom, whether I should retrieve the Rabbit, or one of Rabbits’ friends and relations, from our overnight bag.

Then in came Heather and peeled off her outer clothes to reveal her crimson underwired bra and simple black thong. Her breasts high and plump, the roundness of her buttocks somehow accentuated by that little triangle of material disappearing down between them. She sat down demurely on the bed and let me admire her, first with eyes, then with fingertips, then with hands and lips and tongue. Exploring and re-exploring her glorious roundnesses and fullnesses and plumpnesses. Brushing the back of one hand lightly over her cleavage, so smooth and soft. Running my other hand down her stomach, but stopping short of her pubis. For now at least.

She lay back and spread her legs. Wide. Wantonly wide. But if she had wanted me to just push that cheesewire of a thong to one side and enter her there and then she was to be disappointed for just a little longer. I slid a hand around the curve of her bum and teased her labia free, massaging them to plumpness on either side of that thin strip of fabric so that it rode deep into her cleft, soaking up her moisture.

And then I could wait no more. I half-rolled her until she was curled up in the foetal position on the bare sheet, peeled the thong gently from her and eased into her from behind with slow steady strokes that brought forth little sighs of pleasure from her. Somewhere along the way the bra got discarded and I reached a hand around to try and gather both breasts, to feel both nipples beneath my fingertips. The other hand snaked around her middle to try and find her clitoris under that gorgeous mat of hair and I felt her stiffen as I located it and caught it between two fingers. But the closeness that this required precluded the long thrusts I wanted to give her. I pushed away from her a little, pulled out until I ws just poised at her very rim, before stroking long and deep into her again and again so that my thighs slapped against her and then, as a counterpoint to that slapping, I smacked her hard; on the bum, on the upper leg, as far up between her legs as I could reach. Each slap came from a different angle, with a varying intenstity and as her contented sighs turned to more urgent cries I pincered the back of her neck between finger and thumb while she tensed and arched her back.

In an instant I was out of her and bearing down on her, the one arm holding her legs high and apart while the other dived for her soaking cunt, hooking fingers urgently inside it, rubbing her clit. As she came closer and closer to orgasm her legs started to close. Heather finds it impossible to orgasm unless her legs are tightly closed and I pushed them apart, gently at first, then more forcibly as the intensity increased. Her cries became a continuous wail, punctuated by sobbing gasps for breath. I carried on, rubbing her and forcing her legs apart, waiting for that final despairing cry that would signify the ultimate fulfillment, the peak of pleasure, but it never came. She was on a plateau. A plateau of deeper joy than than she normally experiences during orgasm, and a plateau that she showed no sign of coming down from, but a plateau none the less. I wondered how long she could carry on. Her vocalisations had now given way to a prolonged silent scream. She didn’t know what to do with her hands; she crossed and uncrossed them over her breasts, reached up behind her head as if desperately seeking something to hang on to before bringing them down to her breasts again and frantically snatching at her nipples while her head thrashed from side to side.

She was still on that plateau, still mouthing that silent scream, when I gathered her legs up on my shoulders and slammed into her urgently, wanting to keep her there while I took my pleasure deep inside her. Now she was able to close her legs together a little more and her state of ecstasy rolled on and on, gathering momentum as the whole of my abdomen crashed again and again against the backs of her legs. It was the sight and sound and smell of her that excited me, as much as the feeling of sliding deep into that slick wet cunt. The way she bit her bottom lip, rolled her head and mashed her breasts together in her hands, tugging desperately at her nipples between finger and thumb.

I came with a shout, punctuated by two or three bone-jarring final thrusts and then I was out of her again, crushing her head to my chest with one hand, the other hand back down there in the combined mess of our juices working, teasing, pushing, pulling until at last she voiced one final despairing cry and clung to me as if drowning, her body wracked with sobs.

And there we lay. Me half-sitting with her head nestling on my chest. I remember thinking that there had to be a huge wet patch somewhere, probably over on my side, and not caring. I remember Heather waking briefly, handing me a tissue and padding out to the bathroom to clean up. Way, way too late.

And then it was 7 o’clock in the morning and we were still in a tangled heap together, both deeply at peace after the best night’s sleep we’ve had in a long while. For the rest of the day we were walking around in a kind of euphoric haze, catching each other’s gaze fom time to time and grinning conspiratorially at each other when the staff weren't looking. Whispering things like ”That was a bloody good fuck” when they were out of earshot.



Happy Valentines’ Day to you, H., Min elskede – My beloved. My greatest joy has always been to feel the thrill of your body under my touch.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

My Life As A Cabby

Didn’t I tell you about my other job? The one which kept me occupied all weekend? Unpaid taxi service by appointment to our kids.

Friday night. Heather and I drove out to Eelfort, our nearest city at about 20 miles away, to hear Son and his band play in their first paying gig at a rock club in the middle of town. Daughter had gone straight from school into town by bus to meet her friend A… The one she went to visit last year. The punk anarchist she met at scout camp. He was to stay with us for the weekend and Daughter was to meet him off the train and rendezvous with us at the venue.

We parked the car and walked the short distance to the club, which is right in the middle of a pedestrian street famous for its bars, restaurants and nightclubs. As we rounded the corner into the street we almost ran into a disreputable young couple sitting on the ground swigging beer and smoking. The guy was about 18, shaven headed except for a Mohican and the girl was….our daughter. Of course we’ve known for some time that she smokes but she’s always denied it and has managed to hide it pretty well and this is the first time we’ve caught her red-handed. We were introduced to A… (for it was he) but before we could get much further Daughter dashed off down the street and threw her arms around Tom, a boy she had been with at school last year. I tell you, everybody knows everybody over here.

Well, we stumped up our fiver a head for the privilege of drinking gassy lager while listening to the skull-splitting heavy metal of ‘Nihility’. After they had played their set we decided on the relative tranquility of the English pub while daughter and A… wanted to catch up with some friends at another club and Son stayed to hang with the guys from his band backstage. We all had mobile phones so we could arrange to meet later. So far so good.

Son caught up with us in the pub, allowing me the privilege of buying him a pint. Around about 10.30 we were ready to go home so Heather phoned daughter to find out where she was. She had met up with a bunch of friends in the club and they were on their way to Burger King. They were having such a good time that they weren’t ready to go home just yet. Did we know the time of the last bus?

Yes we did: 11.25. Or, in the screwed-up way we tell the time here “Five minutes to half-twelve” (We say “Half-to” the next hour, instead of “half-past” the hour just gone. You can just see where this is going). Heather repeated the time to make sure she had understood and issued a stern warning that they were under no circumstances to miss that bus as we were leaving now. Then we drove the 20 miles back home.

Inevitably, at 11.45 the phone at home rang. Our ex-directory number. The one known only to immediate family and soon-to be-disowned daughters. It wasn’t her fault she insisted. She was at the bus stop in good time for five minutes past half-twelve and the bus had simply not turned up. It was patiently explained that as the bus was scheduled to leave at five minutes TO half twelve she had missed it by a good ten minutes and that daddy was on his way.

Second 40-mile round trip of the weekend.

Saturday night and the young people were off out clubbing again. Despite only giving Heather an hour in which to magically create a cooked supper from scratch they were on the 6 o’ clock bus into the city again. Again with warnings of the dire consequences that would befall them should they miss that last bus home.

Another midnight phone call. Another disrupted evening.. This time they had somehow failed to realise that the buses on a Saturday run to a different timetable.

Third 40 mile round trip of the weekend.

Sunday, and A… was to go home. Being a Sunday there were, of course, no convenient buses so he had to be driven to the railway station.

Fourth 40 mile round trip of the weekend.

As a grand finale, daughter needed taking back to school on Sunday night, and son wanted taking out to his girlfriends where he planned to stay the night. A grand circular tour of 45 miles, but on this occasion I didn’t mind.

It was a small price to pay for a night free from kids.

Still, should I ever have to abandon my day job I can always get a job as a cabby. I'm practicing my banter already:

“I ‘ad that Russell Brand in the back of the cab once. Bleedin’ nutter he is if you’ll pardon my French”.

“Wot, sarf of The River at this time of night? You must be ‘aving a laugh mate”.

You're Not The Only One

If by chance you are reading this and do not visit Vi's blog regularly you may have missed this: She is currently involved, with four other bloggers, in putting together a book of short stories by bloggers and contributions are invited. I've shamelessly blagged the relevant section from her post because she describes it better than I can, but do go over there and have a look if it has excited your interest:


Blogland is such a fantastic place, where we can write down things that have gone on with our lives, and find all these amazing people out there, who, like us, have a story to tell. And the beauty of blogging, is meeting others like ourselves, or even totally different but still connect and we've sort of created our own 'internet families'.


Sometimes I wish I could have my computer in bed with me to read the stories. But I'm afraid, I'd fall asleep drooling all over it, then blowing it up


So it would be great to read it all in a book


The only problem is, I'm gonna be reading all the stories before they go in the book! But hey, the rest of you will enjoy it I'm sure!


The title of the book is 'You're not the only one'. (Since you aren't, there are so many of us out there!)


We are inviting you to write a story to go into the book. It's quite broad, it can be from your children, relationships, illness, work, whatever. Or even how blogging has changed your life somehow, making you understand things about yourself that you didn't know before (cause, I reckon blogging is really apart of therapy!) We are looking for humourous, or moving, or inspirational. (or all of the above!)


Here are the guidelines....


Submit stories that have not been published outside blogland. A piece from your own blog is fine, but nothing published previously in hard copy.


Maximum words is 1500. The shorter, the better, as there will be more chance of it getting published.


You must be a blogger and have a live blog. It's open to all countries.


It must be about something you've been through personally. Amusing or serious, whatever style you like.


You can submit in your blogname and remain anonymous if you like.


If you intend to submit, then it would be great if you pimped this on your blog. The more coverage, the more submissions, the more chance of the book to sell.



All entries are to be sent in to bloggersforcharity@yahoo.co.uk


All entries must be in by the 29th February 2008.


Oh, and we aren't doing this to make money you know.


All this hard sweat and tears is for a reason. The charity we have chosen is War Child. It's an international charity, since it's going to be an international blog book. We are publishing through http://www.lulu.com/ . There is no upfront fee, but Lulu takes £4.70 per book sold if we make it no longer than 200 pages. We are pricing the book at £9 so £4.30 goes straight to charity.



Because we can't go anymore than 200 pages, not all submissions may be added.

Why not give it a try...and pass the word on.

Friday, February 08, 2008

YESSSS!

It's official. This blog is pornographic. It says so here:






In the lobby of the hotel we were at last weekend there was a terminal provided by the local tourist information office through whose portal you could access the rest of the Interweb.

Or at least, a Bowdlerised version of it.

When I tried to access this blog to read my comments I got this:

Access to the requested site denied because of pornographic content

I just love the way that 'pornographic' is highlighted in red.

My initial reaction was "Yessss! I'm officially a pornographer!" and I ran to drag Heather away from a conversation she was having with some sales rep to show her.

Strangely, though, some of the blogs belonging to my good friends here on the right sidebar weren't blocked, despite often using just as explicit language and even pictures. Odd, that. I wonder what it was specifically that the censor-bots took exception to. (Apart, of course, from the heinous crime of using a preposition to end a sentence with).

But if I am going to be branded pornographic, I might as well throw all restraint to the wind and be REALLY RUDE:

Wee wee.

Poo.

Ladies knickers.

Sex, sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex

WILLIE

Bogeys.

Bottom burps.



There, that's showed 'em.

It Doesn't Mean I Don't Love You Anymore

I was messing about with the template here yesterday and when I logged on this morning I discovered to my horror that my blogroll had disappeared from the right sidebar. What had I done?

It seems, however, that it is none of my doing. Blogrolling.com appears to have gone tits-up. Whether temporarily or for good I know not, but it is yet another salutory lesson on the impermanence of all things on the interweb.

I can only apologise to those good people who normally reside there. It's nothing personal.

I may just take the opportunity to redesign the look altogether.

Or not.


****Update**** They're back again, as you can see. Panic over.


****Another update**** ...Or not.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Four Star Fuck

Last weekend we were at the annual general meeting of our trading group at a four-star hotel in a woodland setting on the banks of a beautiful fjord.




This is the same venue as last year (and if you want to read about how that went, it’s all here). The difference this year was that we had rooms in the hotel itself, rather than in the overflow accommodation. We had made sure of this by booking very early in December.

My heart sank a little, then, when we checked in and were told that our room was not in the main hotel building, but in ’The Annexe’. I’ve been put in annexes before and some of them have been little better than wooden sheds. Even more galling was that Lynn, our senior assistant who we had taken with us this time, had been given a room in the main hotel.

Any disappointment vanished, however, when we turned right outside the main lobby and saw this:





’Dagmars Palace’ it was named, and the room was certainly palatial compared to our living room at home. There was a big double bed (noted, for later reference) at one end of the room, a comfortable sofa (ditto) at the other and, between them, a vast expanse of carpeted floor (double ditto). A Bang and Olufsen Flat-screen TV and a framed print on the wall completed the discreetly tasteful ambience. All we had time to do was to drop our bags before attending a meeting, but what I had seen had set my mind working.


I often like to include a picture of a 'just-been fucked-in' hotel bed. On this occasion I humbly present a 'just-about -to-be-fucked-on' hotel floor.

Surprisingly, the meeting finished more or less on time, giving us an hour or so in which to change and get ready for the gala dinner. Heather and I made our way back to our room with almost indecent haste. We started strippping off as soon as the door had slammed behind us and in an instant later we were standing facing each other, naked, in the middle of the floor.

We clasped each other close. Her hand was already on my cock. I nuzzled her neck, fondled her breasts and whispered ”Kneel!”

She knelt obediently and I guided her head toward my engorged cock and she cupped my balls and licked up and down the length of it, tantalising me, taking me almost to the point of begging her to take it all in her mouth before finally wrapping her lips around it and swirling her tongue round the tip. I just moaned softly and cradled her head in by hands as she slowly worked her way up from gentle teasing to a more determined pumping which had me tickling the back of her throat.

I pulled away and ordered her onto all fours. She pitched forward onto her hands and I squatted down behind her and penetrated her, gently at first and then on discovering to my delight that she was soaking wet, hard and powerfully, with bone-jarring thrusts which drove the breath out of her in little sobs.

At the last minute I had her roll onto her back and pull her legs up high and wide, presenting her succulent cunt to me. Just this visual treat was almost enough to make me come on the spot, but I dived into her, fucked her in a frenzy and came buried deep up inside her.

And then there we were, splayed out on the floor, locked in each others’ arms, me still inside her, giggling like idiots and wondering how we were ever going to get myself out of her without leaving a tell-tale blob on the rich blue carpet.

I would happily have taken a leisurely shower together with Heather, before repeating the whole thing on the sofa, and finally on the bed, but we had a dinner to attend. Don’t get me wrong though, the food was excellent, the wine flowed freely and the company was good.

And when we sat down at the table it was with knowing smiles on our faces.

Prelude

FC: "You can put your hand down there whenever you like. When you do that I'm like putty in your hands."

H: "It certainly feels soft like putty".

FC: "Not for long".

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Pancake Day

It’s Shrove Tuesday today. Pancake Day in the UK and also in this little corner of a foreign field…

There are many different traditions to mark the beginning of the lenten fast. For example; Mardi Gras, Carneval and, in this country, Fastelavn. What happens in Fastelavn is that the kids all dress up in fancy dress and carry a bunch of twigs with which to beat anybody who doesn’t give them sweets on demand. A bit like halloween really. And then there is the tradition of ’beating the cat out of the barrel’ where a barrel with a cat in it is suspended a couple of feet off the ground and the little dears take it in turns to hit it with sticks until it disintegrates. The child who deals the finishing blow is then crowned ’Cat-King’ or ’Cat-Queen’. Unfortunately, such is the stranglehold of the animal rights lobby on the cultural life of this nation that you’re not allowed to use a real cat any more so the kids have to make do with a paper cutout cat and a barrelful of sweets which they all dive into when they cascade onto the floor.







A national chain of cookware shops has been trying to promote the idea of pancake day over here, presumably in an attempt to sell more frying pans, but nobody really seems to get the idea. There is even a charity pancake race being organised but from what I could see from the TV coverage it was just some people running from one city to another holding frying pans in front of them. They weren’t even tossing the pancakes. Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought that the whole fun of a pancake race was to toss the things while you were running and try not to drop them, preferably after having had a few pints. The locals over here really don’t have a clue.

But we are going to have pancakes the traditional way tonight and we’re all going to have a go at tossing them. Though I say it myself, I’m pretty good. In fact Heather often comments on what a tosser I am.

What brought about this train of thought was the realisation the other day that next year my little girl will be celebrating the beginning of lent in an entirely different way. Think: sambas and parades and feathered headdresses. If all goes well she’ll be in Brazil.

Perhaps I should explain: The club of which I am a member is part of a large international organisation which puts a lot of emphasis on organising exchange visits for young people, enabling them to spend up to a year living with families in a completely different part of the world. I happen to be the coordinator for the scheme in our club. We’re sending two young people out in July this year, our own daughter to Brazil and another girl of the same age to Australia-Queensland in fact. We in turn will receive two exchange students from other countries. We do a lot of exchanges with USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand because most young people here want the chance to improve their English. Daughter specifically chose Brazil because she didn’t want to go to an English-speaking country so now she’s starting to learn Portugese.

The enormity of the thing is only just starting to hit us. Our little girl will be gone for a whole year. What’ll she be like when she comes back? Changed, that’s for sure. Suntanned, probably. Self confident? Eager to see more of the world? Restless? Who knows? One thing I am sure of, though. If you can’t do that sort of thing at her age it becomes increasingly difficult as you grow older and enmesh yourself in commitments. I didn’t have the chance to travel when I was her age and probably would have turned down the chance if it had come my way. Of course I regret that now but I’m glad to give our daughter that opportunity.

2008 is going to be a year of big changes, this being just the first. It’s exciting and challenging and just a bit scary.