Love Shower

Having received one of these at the weekend, I Googled ‘Love Shower’ to see if I could find a more elegant description of it than I could manage alone. One of the sites I arrived at was a forum where someone had posted the question ‘What is a Love Shower?’ and had got the answer ‘It’s when your partner pees on you’ to which the response was ‘Eeew, gross. I won’t be trying that then’.

Well, no. You’re thinking of a Golden Shower, and all I can say on that subject is ‘don’t knock it until you’ve tried it’. A love shower is a tantric sort thing. A group shows its appreciation / love / support for you by facing the you, raising their arms above their heads and then slowly lowering them again while shaking the the hands and wiggling the fingers and making a ‘Shhhhhh’ sound like falling raindrops.

Heather and I first saw this on a TV programme which had a feature about a ‘tantric singles night’ only last week. When we saw this ‘Love shower’ we had a good laugh and thought “OMG, WHAT is all that about? What are they on?” Funny how karma sometimes comes around and bites you in the arse.

During our first weekend of training as sex-therapists we experienced both giving and receiving love showers and I was forced to admit that being on the receiving end is actually rather pleasant and, when you come to think about it, is no more ridiculous than showing your appreciation for someone by banging your hands together so they make a noise.

The watchword of our instructor is ‘Be Open’, which just happens to be the title of her latest book; be open to others, be open to new experiences, to new ways of looking at the world, to new ways of expressing love. Be open to love itself.

One of the most powerful moments of the weekend was when we gave each other a little massage. We were stood in two concentric circles and paired off so that one partner was on the outside ring and the other innermost, both facing the centre. Then the outermost partner was instructed to give the innermost partner a massage; arms, neck, shoulder, back. Anywhere that felt right.The emphasis was on giving: Giving someone else a gift of yourself, freely and without any expectation of a reward.

After a while the outer circle were instructed to move round one person to the left, but in such a way that they left one hand on the person they had just been massaging until their replacement took over. I had heard before that it is very important that during a massage there is contact and continuity the whole time.

The person receiving had their eyes shut and thus, apart from their first partner, had no idea who was giving them this gift, unless they had been unusually observant before they closed their eyes.

It was towards the end of this session, when I was receiving from the fourth or fifth giver that I suddenly had a powerful insight, like a blinding flash of golden light. Here I was, middle-aged, overweight and under-achieving, when suddenly I saw myself as I was when I was in my early twenties; youthful, slim and full of energy once more. I felt loved and appreciated in a way I have rarely experienced before, outside of my home environment, and it was overwhelming.

Now don’t misunderstand. The love between Heather and me is absolute and unconditional. I dare not even ask myself why this is so, or what it is she sees in me. It just is, and it’s wonderful, but to be appreciated, and even loved, by relative strangers for no better reason than that I exist on this planet was something I am utterly unused to.

I, and the other 30-odd in the group, are strangers no more. We will certainly grow together over the next many months. I can’t wait for the next stage of our journey.